Writing Homework Series: Facebook College Group Parody

In this assignment, I was supposed to play around with the “hermit crab” genre of creative nonfiction, where an essay is hidden in a different style or mode of media. We also played with the idea of parody in nonfiction, which is a bit tricky as it gets pretty grey where the nonfiction stops and fiction starts. This is a play off of a real Facebook group.



Financing College Group

Private Group 143.7K members


Lisa Ferris

October 2, 2022 3:46pm


Hi Everyone! New to the group and don’t know where to begin. I have a senior in a Dual Enrollment Program. I just filled out the FAFSA and we baaaaarely squeaked by qualifying for a Pell Grant. My kid is kind of a high achiever and wants to go to Yale (heh), which I doubt is in the cards, but I’m trying to be open minded. I think an in-state school is probably more likely what we can handle. His parents (me, stepdad and dad) are all disabled, so also looking for any free or low-cost advice or specific programs that might help him out. It is all quite overwhelming–Any help is appreciated!


👍🏼❤️45 Comments 856


Happy McLovefest

I’m so happy that you are here!!!!!!! 😍😀😄 is SO SO SO hard to figure all this out. 🥲☹️But we gotta do the best for our kids, don’t we? 🧒🏻👦 Don’t have any advice, but just wanted to say Hang in there! You’ve GOT this!!!!!!❤️❤️❤️

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Fancy Acronamus

Well, my advice would be to take your EFC and plug it into the NPC of each U and see what COA comes up. Remember, if you apply ED or EA, there are a lot more FAO than if you do RD. Have you done the CSS, yet? You need to have that for EC schools. Also, if your son has a lot of DE credits, or does he have any AP or IB? What is his GPA and SAT? What about the CLEP? All of these can increase or decrease the NT dramatically.

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Lorelei Gilmore

I KNOW what you MEAN about it being SO overwhelming. My daughter has a 5.6 weighted GPA from a private prep school. Editor of the school paper, varsity field hockey, first in her class. You know, all the usuals. And I had no idea what I was going to do when she got into both Harvard, Princeton AND Yale! I was so scared and just devastated that I wouldn’t be able to afford to send her to her dream school! But she was a legacy at Yale and so her grandparents were so proud of her that they just offered to foot the bill. Do you have any rich grandparents? That is the way to do it, if you can! Now if she can JUST find a good boyfriend there, she will be set. She just doesn’t understand the importance of Yale marriage prospects. She is so frustrating!!!

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Beavis MagaTrump

Wait? Disabled people can have kids? And they are allowed to go to college? No way. I bet they give you guys a free ride. Great. Another “identity group” that is going to steal scholarship money from my straight, white, cisgender, able-bodied son. No room for Real Americans in college anymore!!!

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Rosanne Connor

My kid just filled out the FAFSA, too. And she kept asking me all these questions about my income. I didn’t understand why, until I figured it out suddenly. Let me get this straight—is this correct? These colleges expect me to PAY for her college? Like am I required to do this? I mean, she is 18 this summer. I thought I was done? What if I just say no? Won’t someone else pay for her then?

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Edward Jones, Financial Planner

What you need to do is divert any savings assets to a Roth IRA, then convert any savings your son has to an ABLE Account and divest any stocks and bonds to liquify assets to put into a 529 and then pick a home improvement project and get busy. You can also refinance your mortgage to a higher interest rate and slow payments over time to show that you have more debt. I am happy to help you plan for your son’s future so that college costs (and taxes!) will be minimal. Feel free to give me a call at (503) 555-1234 and ask for Ed!

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Duncan Downer

Its all a scam anyway. The highly competitive schools only pick rich, legacy kids who’ve paid a college admissions wizard a million dollars to write their essay for them and jack up their SATs. Your kid is never going to get in unless you buy them a new science wing. Sure, they will string you along for a while, they will act like they want your kid, but even that is a scam to make them look more competitive! Then they will defer your kid just to see who is ready to pony up their exorbitantly jacked up tuition prices and leave him hanging until all other offers have dried up, just because he thinks he has a chance to get that Ivy League shine. But face it. Your kid will end up over educated and in debt working as a barista when he is 40. Sucks, but true.

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Olivia Overshare

I know, right?! It’s so tough! I just don’t know what to do! I want my kid to be able to go to college so much, but I am a single mom and I just got divorced from my 3rd husband, and well…I am living with this other guy who is kind of my boyfriend but not really, or at least only until I get a new job because I just got fired from the last one. I have to take care of my mother, too, who has emphysema, but she still constantly smokes no matter what I tell her. I’d move in with her, but the smoke is SO BAD, and Craig…my boyfriend or the guy I currently live with, or whatever—he doesn’t want me to smell like smoke and he already hates my kid for smoking weed in the house all the time. I mean, I could move in with my mom and tell him to go to hell but you know, every once in a while I get lonely and well, he is good in bed lololol. So, I just don’t know what to do when I am out of work and no place to live but it would be nice if a fairy godmother would come down and sprinkle a little ambition on my son so he would go off to college and then maybe eventually I could live with him while I recover from this current guy. But Craig is SO handsome the way he rolls over in the middle of the night sometimes for a little piece of me and he—well, anyway. Will colleges pay for a kid who gets TANF?

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Lisa Ferris

Well, thanks everybody. This has been…helpful and is….uh, a lot to think about. If anything, you all have clarified that this is a convoluted mess, so fun year, I guess?

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