My homeschooling “era” of my life came to a conclusion with a whimper…or maybe a bang, depending on how yo look at it.
It wasn’t until today that I really thought about it being over. My 14 year-old that went to public high school this year (first time in public school) texted me and reported that he “totally got a 100% on his first Algebra test, of course.” It seems there is no reason to worry that whatever I and others and he, himself has taught him the past 14 years would put him behind. He reports that a lot of what he is doing now is “So sixth grade.” Hopefully, he is exaggerating a bit and he will be challenged and learn a lot.
He basically taught himself his eighth grade year after my life was interrupted by guide dog school, transplant, and Omaha. When he was with us in Omaha and I was at my sickest, I know that not a lot got done. But after that, he had to work through the summer to finish what I set out for him to do in 8th. We met mostly weekly over FaceTime to go over everything. I was there mostly for accountability and check in. He taught himself. I knew he found that kind of unmotivating and he was excited to go to school and have teachers, which I understand. So I’m hoping he gets what he wants out of high school. Every year my kids got to choose how to do school upon the options that were realistic for all of us. (Naim would have loved going to a posh private school like Catlin Gable, but it was not in the budget.) This year, Avery went for public.
Homeschooling families are under a lot of scrutiny and people about flip their shit when it’s a blind/disabled parenting family. There is a tendency to want to brag on your kids when they do well and go SEE? SEE? But it’s never all just you, the mom, who is responsible for the outcome. It is a complex thing that mostly has to do with the student themselves. The work they put in, the genetics they chanced to have. The environment they grew up in, which a parent only partly controls. There are always other teachers, too. From formal ones, like the many my kids had at Village Home Education Resource Center, to casual interactions with family and friends, to even YouTube.
I also can’t say too much because now I have 2 adults and one getting close to adulthood. Their privacy is always a consideration. We, of course, had some challenges along the way. But I feel like it isn’t fair to get too much into those stories. I had a kid with pretty significant dyslexia, I had another with not anywhere near the hardest presentation of autism to deal with, and there were challenges there. But I feel like I really shouldn’t go into these stories in great detail publicly. Trust me when I say that there were long, frustrating hours of learning letter names and sounding out words and finding ways not to flip math problems around. Trust me when I say that I have spent many hours crouched on the floor under a table with a kid who could not deal with the sound of the room, or the anxiety of the social expectations, or the weight of the personal essay writing assignment. Tears were shed.
So, my homeschool mom job fizzled out without much fanfare, but it also went off with a bang I just realized. They are doing so well and they are such good kids!
Naim is an RA this year, as well as a food services shift manager and has managed, which several scholarships and part-time jobs to pay his own way through college with no student debt. He even has had enough money to invest in some CDs. This should be his last year unless he goes on to grad school. He will be 20 when he graduates. He is usually always on the deans list.
Aaron is starting college next week! I am so excited for her. She finished her AA degree at community college in June. She did not get the same amount of scholarships as Naim, but did get some. She has been working at parks maintenance in our city and has a job lined up in food services at the university. We will end up contributing probably around half the costs of her college, but she will still graduate in 2 or 3 years with hopefully no debt.
Avery seems to be enjoying high school and I guess we will wait and see about his grades yet, but he has always been an easy kid to teach.
I have been proud that despite the twins challenges, we were always able to keep them progressing academically. It was not always at the same pace as public school kids, but as I’ve always said, no adult is going to ask you whether you learned to read at 6 or 12. It doesn’t matter as long as there is growth. All 3 of my kids (OK-1 bombed, 2 did mediocre) bombed their first standardized homeschool test. And then they increased theirs scores exponentially on the subsequent tests over the years as it all evened out. I honestly believe that 1:1 individualization basically erases a lot of “special needs.” Special needs reflect more about the needs of a school system then actual students. IDEA was designed to mitigate the failures of the K12 system. It is a very flawed solution to problem most people don’t even admit exists.
But when I really think about the best thing about homeschooling, it is that intangible closeness that it brings to a family. It is a lifestyle that affects the whole family. The time I got to spend with my kids from birth to age 14-15 is something I would not trade and was so lucky to have. It established a foundation that I still feel to this day. It was always a balance between trying to hit the right note between having too much parental hovering and togetherness and too much child freedom. People think homeschoolers are helicopter parented, but the 1 element I got questioned on the most is how much freedom they had to choose for themselves, get themselves places, make friends themselves, and have their own ideas. I’m not saying we always did it perfectly, but I think they became kind, independent, savvy, social young people. I like being friends with them.
The second best thing about homeschooling was keeping the love of learning alive in the kids and the fun I had relearning or getting a chance to learn anew stuff that I missed out on. I found that I am a really pretty good math teacher. And I STRUGGLED with math growing up because of all my vision and hearing issues. Shout out to Steve Demme from Math U See who was our math guide for all three kids. His curriculum was entirely with the use of manipulative and he taught the manipulative in videos. A lot of his teachers guides and answer sheets were available in digital format so I was able to reverse engineer some of the answers i didn’t understand. The first time I watched a sample lesson of his, it was on Algebraic Binomials, I think. And I almost cried. Three dimensional tactile math. I finally understood the what and why of Algebra. Math was never math, it was always “let’s go watch Steve” and get the blocks out. My kids KNOW math. And even though sometimes I was only one step ahead of them, and sometimes one step behind, I was able to gain a ton of confidence in my own math abilities. I’m not bad at it. And I CAN teach it.
One other Curricula I thoroughly enjoyed was “Story of the World” by Susan Weis Bauer. Its history told over 4 years, beginning to end in chronological order. Of course it’s not everything. Nothing can be. But after skipping around from unit to unit in fragmented pieces for my own education, doing four solid years of history in order was absolutely enlightening. I finally saw how all the pieces fit together on a timeline and the kids were able to pick up so many patterns in regards to issues like violence and causes of war, dictators, colonizers, etc. I don’t think you see those things as much with isolated units. I also loved reading all the books we read, all of the artwork we learned about, all the science we explored. Everyday was exciting to learn something new.
And we had so much fun! When I look back to all the travels and field trips and classes and science experiments and books read and ideas planted, I get teary-eyed. And in these last few months that I have been apart from them, they generally still always pick up the phone when I call, answer the text, call and text me, and we are still close. I am forever grateful that despite my mish mash of part-time employment I always pulled together over the years, there was always time available for family and kids. It was never rushed or sparse. It built such a tapestry of experiences and a foundation of family relationships.
I’m sure that growing up as they have, they have had a few awkward moments with their peers, but generally the friends they have are nice kids who I trust and enjoy. They always had to learn to walk into a classroom and make friends. They had probably a lot more opportunities to socialize than I ever did as a kid.
I did not advance in my career as I possibly could have if I had not homeschooled them. But as I mentioned in other stories on this blog, much of my situation was issues with childcare and transportation and K12 accessibility, which made homeschooling the way that I was able to parent in a way that fulfilled my kids needs as a disabled parent in the current world. When I chose to have kids, I chose that route to put my kids first, whether I homeschooled or not.
I totally understand some of the criticisms of homeschooling. I get that it is not economically viable for some families. I get that it is not what some parents want to spend their time on. I also get the criticisms that come from some families who do not teach real science and indoctrinate their kids into religion, or even use homeschooling to hide abuse. All of those are very serious. On a personal level, I never had to worry about whether I was going to teach my kids flat earth creationism or traditional gender roles or cult like religious lessons or lock them in the attic and abuse them of course. But I care about other children enough to know that outside accountability needs to happen. I have always been ok with having additional sensible checks and balances for homeschool kids. Sensible to me is stuff like semester/quarterly visits, a plan or goals for the year, a portfolio or other type of assessment on a regular basis, a basic guideline for what needs to be taught (reading, math, science concepts on a criterion referenced basis. Not a prescriptive curriculum or what needs to be done every day or logging every single hour spend on school. In homeschool families, it’s ALL school except sleep.)
But I also think so much of the good from homeschool could be brought to public school. I think if class sizes were 1:5 (perhaps a room of 10 kids with 2 adults) and were multiage, many of our ills would be reduced or eliminated. Most “soft” disabilities would be easily mitigated, kids would ALL have a true individualized education. So much more could be done with a teacher who stayed with an age range (1-3 grade, say) for the whole three years. Families who struggle, too could get more individualized help. Instead of traditional classrooms, school buildings could be more like community centers that have facilities like gyms and science labs, but would be more places to gather as a home base while students used the world as their classroom.
People say there is not enough money for that. I don’t think they understand the bulge that the issues of our current school systems face and have to pay for. There are layers upon layers of staff that do not work in classrooms directly with students. There are layers of specialists who spend some time with students but most of their time in meetings and on paperwork. Two of my kids would have/did qualify for IEP services. Both would have been at risk for failing classes, not learning to read, being tracked low, underachieving, maybe even being bullied. Nothing extra was needed for my kids except some patience, a little research, and meeting them individually where they were and stretching that a bit each day. There are cooks and janitors who could be reduced if students took over their own cooking and cleaning like in the home. (Or in Japanese and Finish schools). School would be more like an extension of family life and self directed learning. The teachers become facilitators of opportunities to learn. Not lecturers and classroom managers.
Even if this did cost more, so what? This is the kind of stuff that “Defund Police” is about. People misunderstand that term. It is not about just emptying the funds of law enforcement, it is about putting funds toward issues before they turn into criminalist problems. Does tax money need to go toward a small town buying armored vehicles and tanks for police? Or could it be used to pay for the salary of additional teachers and teachers aids and community resources for families?
Education is not rocket science. Sure there are some tips you will learn in college, but nothing I learned in college was that big of deal that made me a better teacher. And we have the internet now, so all that info is available to anyone who wants it. You learn systems in college, classroom management systems, curriculum record keeping systems, IEP reporting systems, a bit of statistics and assessment. You don’t really learn anything magical about sitting down with a kid and guiding him to learn.
I taught the little kids who were at my babysitter’s house when I was 7 or 8. I taught other people’s kids long before I had a degree. I was really always successful. This was because I only had a few students at a time, I had the opportunity to get to know them and try different things until something worked, and I could individualize everything and meet them right where they are. I would not have always been successful in a classroom of 35 people. I just wouldn’t have had the time or energy. I’m not special now and I wasn’t then. I do understand that some people can’t logistically homeschool. I understand that some people just don’t want to spend their time that way. That’s fine. But everyone who cares about kids and can be a bit patient can support someone to learn. Even if it’s just helping with something after school or spending time with kids, anyone can help a kid learn.
So, is this the end of my homeschool era? We will see…I’m in a decision making period right now after my transplant and as I get ready to return home later this year. Maybe I will work with the adults in our business more than I have in the past. We are looking at starting an entrepreneur group, like an incubator for disabled-owned small businesses. Maybe I homeschool other people’s kids who can’t. Like have a few in my home. Maybe I write and educate people that way. Maybe I do whatever CEUs I need to recertify myself as a K12 teacher. Maybe I become an O&M instructor and we expand into that area. I know I can’t really put homeschooling on my resume, it wouldn’t impress anyone. But I also know that it was not the lag in my career that people assume. I continued on and did a lot of what I always set out to do: Supporting people to be the best of who they are.
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